A close friend recently said to me, “I’m just so stuck. I know all the right things to do, I just can’t seem to move.” My heart hurt for her and in true coach-style I sent her some books and coaching worksheets I’ve used over the years, (I also sent her some lovely ‘care’ gifts), but nothing felt like ‘the right thing’.
Then in my local bookshop, I came across Unstuck by Australian psychologist Dr Emily Musgrove (resident psychologist on the Imperfects podcast). I bought it for my friend, and then as I read it, reflected on how often I hear the same struggle in coaching conversations, and also how often I’ve felt this myself.
People don’t always use the word “stuck”, but they describe it. They’ve lost confidence; they’re overwhelmed; they know the next step, but can’t quite take it; maybe they feel numb or, my personal favourite, “Bleh!”
A loud reminder that I’ve taken from this book is something I first encountered about a decade ago when I trained in ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy): painful thoughts and emotions are part of being human. They are not proof that we are flawed or that something is wrong with us. I think this is something we easily forget when life gets busy or complicated.
Dr Em suggests that what often keeps us stuck isn’t the pain itself, but our understandable attempts to avoid it. We wait until we feel ready. Until we’re less afraid. Until we’re more motivated. Until we’ve gathered just a little more information. The trouble is, that perfect moment rarely arrives.
As I was reading, I remembered many times my own life where I’ve waited for confidence or clarity or inspiration before taking a step, only to discover that confidence grows WHEN we act, not BEFORE we act. A wise mentor told me that courage and confidence is fear walking.*
Musgrove puts it simply: “We don’t have to wait to feel better before we start living our lives.”
There is so much richness in this book. It’s practical, compassionate, grounded in excellent research and full of exercises I can imagine using with coaching clients (and have started on myself). If you, a friend or coachee are navigating one of those stickier seasons, I recommend Unstuck.
As for my friend, I’m yet to find out how it landed with her – the copy I bought ended up with so many annotations and underlines that I’ve had to go back and buy a new one for her!
What books are you reading that are helping your or your own clients navigate ‘stuck’?
*source of my mentor’s quote unknown. It is often attributed to Susan David, but I had heard this before the time of her reference.